SMRT-TV: Love Is On the Air

April 10, 2006

A modern woman's perspective on TV's take on love, sex, and everything in between.

Love Is On The Air
But He's So Dreamy
Jerk Love In Prime-Time
by Jill Weinberger

So far as I can tell, the basic idea seems to be that I should be a confident, intelligent, interesting woman who spends a good deal of time and energy pursuing bliss with a man who is not particularly interesting, not particularly intelligent, and not particularly nice to me.

As a young(ish) woman in today's society, I find myself presented with confusing messages from the TV about who I should be, the sort of man I should aspire to be with, and what sort of relationship I should have. So far as I can tell, the basic idea seems to be that I should be a confident, intelligent, interesting woman who spends a good deal of time and energy pursuing bliss with a man who is not particularly interesting, not particularly intelligent, and not particularly nice to me. It's also good if he lies — or at a minimum, keeps vital information from me — and alienates at least one person very important to me. In other words, "Someday My Prince Will Come" is out, and "He's a Dickwad, and He'll Never, Ever Be Any Good" is in. Among the many, many alumni of the Dickwad-Loving School — in French, "L'Ecole des Amants de Dickwad" — include Desperate Housewives' Susan, and Izzy of Grey's Anatomy. (Susan, sadly, is worth an entire column on her own and cannot be addressed here. But Izzy we'll get back to later.) I've also learned that, were I under 25 (or trapped on an island), it'd actually be best if I had — at a minimum — two such prospects on my horizon (a.k.a. "Torn Between Two Dickwads, Feeling Like a Fool.") Take Veronica Mars and Rory Gilmore.

Rory's a sweet and spunky Yale student. Veronica's a sassy teen detective with skillz so mad she'd make Nancy Drew crap her roadster in shame. Clearly, these are two young women who are going places in life — except romantically, where their exploits have caused previously intelligent people to flood the IMDB message board with an endless discourse that looks something like this: Veronica LUVS Logan!! Veronica HEARTS Duncan!!! Dean iz Rory's TRULUV!!!! There's no way Logan is as good for Rory as Jess was, and if u dont agrE U R stoopid!!!!!! (This second Logan is a different one. There is a Veronica's Logan and a Rory's Logan. I realize that this is confusing, but it is not my fault. There is some kind of law currently in effect at the minor networks requiring every show to have a Logan, and no matter now you feel about it, you just have to tough it out, because this is how it's going to be, at least until fall when the new season begins and everyone's named Tyler or Zach. Also, I must confess I'm not entirely sure that those people on the IMDB boards were previously all that intelligent. But I do know that a little stupid leads to a lot of stupid, and in that way, entire civilizations are lost. So.)

Now, you might argue that sometimes one of the players in this scenario is not, in fact, a dickhead, but actually a "nice guy." (Rory's Dean, perhaps, or Veronica's Duncan.) But if you did argue that, you'd be wrong — just wrong — because Dean took about five minutes to cheat on his wife (shrewy Lindsay, but still. He's the one that married her.) And Duncan went a good seven months without mentioning to girlfriend Veronica that his comatose ex, Meg, just happened to be incubating a mini-Duncan in there. See? Dickwads all!

Lost's Kate has her own little surly-dreamboat seesaw going on with Jack and Sawyer. To be honest, I don't know that I'd label Jack 100% dickwad, but he certainly has enough mood swings and daddy issues to prevent any girl in her right mind from considering him good boyfriend material. Now, Kate does deserve some slack, because being trapped on a mystical island that just flat-out doesn't allow emotionally functional people is a pretty good excuse for bad romantic decision-making. Her only other options are ranch-hoarding Hurley ("Dude!"), drug-addicted hobbit Charlie, and whichever of Scott and Steve is still alive. Besides, as a wanted murderer herself, Kate isn't exactly a prize, and she's damn lucky Claire's too busy with the baby to walk around looking any more nubile and dewy than she already does. Still, sooner or later, they're all going to run out of sunscreen, and a girl could hag up mighty fast in that equatorial climate. Kate could be up Spinster Creek without a paddle before she knows it. She'd do wise to make with the choosing now and get her freak on whilst she can.

Izzy Stevens of Grey's Anatomy, on the other hand, really could afford to take her time and be choosy. Girlfriend's a catch. She's a doctor who used to be a lingerie model, for cripe's sake. But when it comes to Alex, she's a frickin' moron trapped in the stale choreography of the good-old-fashioned-inexplicable-dickwad-love template. At first, he seems like a real jerk, and she dislikes him intensely. Check. But then, as they get to know each other, she discovers a soft, sensitive side that he reveals only to her. Check. She's drawn in. Check. He screws up. Check. She's angry at first, but eventually forgives him. Check, check. Then, the second he feels really vulnerable, he gets scared and pushes her away, doing something so horrible that she says, "I can't believe I ever trusted you. I should have known you were nothing but a jerk." Well, DUH! Here's a tip: actual decent guys aren't only decent when they're alone with you. They're decent to other people, too, because other people, you know, matter. Also, check, check, check, you twit!

You know, it's not that I don't get the need for dramatic tension — and the pressure on the writers to create it week after week. I do. I also get that characters need to be flawed to be real. But that's just it: if my favorite characters are making foolish choices, I want that behavior to be coming from real struggles deep within the character, and NOT just some tired old plot clichŽ along the lines of "Good Gurls Think Bad Boyz R Hott." Hell, ER's Abby's toxic touch in relationships has certainly annoyed me many a time over the years, but the fact that it came from a real place — the emotional damage caused by her whackjob Sally Field of a mother — made it make sense, and made it worthwhile to stick with her on her long, long road to semi-okay-ness. Putting a heroine through romantic difficulty is a pretty clear ploy to get me to root for her happiness, so I don't think it's much to ask that what I'm supposed to be rooting for be root-worthy. I mean, sure, there are plenty of real women who behave like the ones on the TV. I know some of them. They're the friends whose calls I've started screening. The fact that this exists in real life doesn't mean I want it from my entertainment. There's a reason there's not a hit show called, An Afternoon at the DMV.

One of the great things about television is that we get to take a real journey with a character. We spend years with these people. Watching them screw up is an important part of that journey, yes. But we need payoff, too.

Of course there's some appeal in seeing the beautiful people make the same stupid mistakes mere mortals do. But I myself like that sort of thing a lot more in the movies, where all the misunderstandings get cleared up in less than two hours and you don't have to spend a lot of time thinking about it, and how it all worked out so well for Kate Hudson when that same behavior would have earned you six months of weekends spent home alone scarfing Mallomars and watching What Not to Wear marathons. One of the great things about television is that we get to take a real journey with a character. We spend years with these people. Watching them screw up is an important part of that journey, yes. But we need payoff, too. When the characters' bad choices have a real, compelling reason other than "because the plot requires it," then it's worth the ride, because the character has room to grow, and learn, and change.

And then find new ways to fuck things up.

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